Beauty of Fuller's Soap

As I've been trying to improve my scripture reading I've had to start small. No intense study plan for me; I literally flip open and read. Over and over again I've flipped to this scripture, even though nothing on the page is marked. Every time I read this verse and feel it is significant, but I don't understand. "But who may abide the day of his coming, and who shall stand when he appeareth? For he is like a refiner's fire, and like a fuller's soap." The thought that would come to my mind every time is "Who is a fuller, and what is special about his soap?" (3 Neph 24:2).  I've always been too lazy to look it up, until today (It only took 20 times or reading it, give or take. Don't worry, God, I catch on eventually).

The fuller is a person who cleanses cloth before it is dyed. The soap was clay, chalk, putrid urine, or powdered ashes. The process of pounding and scrubbing the soap to remove all grim and to whiten the fabric was quite the ordeal and the soap caused quite a stench, so much so it was done outside the city walls.  The process was quite extensive and what struck me most is that it was messy, and stinky, and that the cloth, to become white, took a beating.

When reading this verse again the message took new meaning. It reminded me of times when I've felt discouraged. It reminded of times when I've tried living the gospel better and life got harder. It reminded me of all those times I've felt beaten down when all I wanted was to be built up. And some thing clicked and suddenly those times seemed beautiful.

I realized that Christ, as the fuller's soap, is sometimes bitter, and stinky, and the process of following him beats us down. Not because he hates us, not because he wants to beat us down, not because he likes making our life stinking miserable, but because he knows it is what needs to happen to remove the grime and the dinginess so that we can be white and pure, and ready to be what he needs us to be. Ready for the dye to be cast as He would have it.

I'd be lying to say this makes me feel better about trials. In fact it makes me feel rather uncomfortable and makes me want to call my husband and check on my baby to make sure they are okay, worried that taking them is the trial I need to endure next. But it did make me feel better about that time I got cut down on Facebook, or felt like a failure at my internship, or felt left out and stupid, or like my life as I'd imagined it was going down the drain. I realize now that it was going down the drain, as Christ washed the grime away as a fuller's soap, and that it is opening up new possibilities that will be wonderful and splendid if I just hold on and trust that this cleansing of my life, my time, and my talents, is brining me to something that will bring unimaginable joy.