Beautiful Life

PTSD recently resurfaced making me feel irrational, depressed and dissatisfied with my life. For three weeks it was difficult to find anything positive. Now, I'm not saying I'm an extremely positive person. I know I'm not. However, I have always been able to find something beautiful about my environment. It didn't matter where we were living, I could appreciate the view, the old barn, the antique door knob, something! Even in the should-have-been-condemned-house in Vineyard with holes in the walls and windows, mice everywhere, and a coal burning stove for heat, I found beauty.

Yet, with PTSD, my Christmas festive apartment, my beautiful baby, my cozy reading corner, and wonderful husband meant nothing. Everything was ugly. I was useless. My marriage failing. My parenting pointless. But in reality nothing had changed about my life, which I had loved just a few weeks before. The only thing that had changed was in my mind, and I didn't know what that was or what had caused it.

Then one day in the shower (all good ideas come in the shower, don't they?) I had the idea to start a blog about the beauty in my life to help keep me focused on the positive. I don't think I'm going to tell anyone about it (except probably my husband because I tell him everything), and of course I would love to have the blog "be discovered" and take off and make money as a mommy blogger, but I doubt that will happen, and I don't think that was why I was inspired to start this blog. I think it sole purpose is to help me stay focused on the positive and the good in my life. I think it is to help me be able to look back and remember that I have a beautiful life that is a miracle meant just for me.